I'm a loser, baby - so why don't you kill me

Today I went on a hike with my family.

I'll give you all a moment to pick your jaws up off the floor . . .

Ready to go on? Ok. Toby got me to agree to this outing. I plan on seeking psychiatric help. We went to Kenlynne's house to get her, Glynn and Jaden. It was Glynn's idea to go in the first place. I'm formulating a plan to get back at him. So we drive up somewhere near the Superstition Mountains and park to go up this trail.

Before we left Kenlynne's I asked how hard the trail was. The response was something like "oh, it's supposed to be really easy - I've heard even toddlers are fine to take on this trail". Ok, so a small child can do it, I should be ok. Now, let me tell you that a toddler isn't a solid 60 pounds overweight and hasn't been eating fried foods for the last 27 years. I'm also working on a plot to get back at her. She has a milestone birthday at the end of this month. Hmm . . .

Moving on - Anyone who knows me will know that I'm not much of an outdoor person. My idea of hiking is the escalators in the mall. It makes me want to take a nap every time I watch Man Vs. Wild on the Discovery Channel. Way too much exertion going on there. This pastey white, blubber infested body was not meant to haul itself up the side of a mountain. This trail was NOT easy. And about half way up, when I thought heart explosion was imminent, I stopped. I'm sitting on a rock on the side of a mountain wheezing and I literally couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to die. So I told the others to move on and I went back down the trail to wait at the bottom.

My six year old wasn't even tired when we went home, and I thought I was going to die. Seriously, how freaking pathetic is that?!?!? Something HAS to be done about this. The next time I have an increased fit of stupidity and go hiking with them, I really don't want to fall down dead in front of my children. I also don't want to face the embarrassment of having to leave the group and wait at the bottom again. It was so humiliating to not feel able to complete the task. I was having flashbacks of my first year at Girls Camp as a Beehive and huffing and puffing the whole way on the hike when everyone else was laughing and chatting and singing. No wonder I only went to GC one year.

Here's the pic of me at the bottom of the mountain when the certainty of death had passed.
And here is one of the MANY cacti that waited with me.
The moral of this story is that I really can't let myself be ambivalent about my weight anymore. For the most part, it doesn't bother me to be a fatty. I'm still a smart, successful, loving person with a fabulous hubby, the best kids on the planet, a job I love, a roof overhead, and a few bucks in the bank. Being fat doesn't affect any of those things. So I don't give it that much thought that I'm likely approaching toxic cholesterol levels. I think the fact that I don't mind being fat is one of the reasons that I am. Maybe if it bothered me, I'd do something about it. Well, folks, today I'm bothered. Here's hoping I can keep this horrific experience somewhere in the back of my mind the next time I'm craving Taco Bell. Darn you, Cheesy Double Beef Burrito! You are my nemesis!