My baby boy

Every year in October I always think about when Tysen was born. FYI, he was born in October. I'm not one of those great mothers who keep journals or write my children letters as they grow up. Instead, I normally embarrass them to tears.

But since I always think about that time 7 years ago this time of the year, I'll share a few of those memories with the world wide web. I mean, why not? Warning you will probably not be interested in this at all so don't feel remotely obligated to read on.

Toby and I were SO excited when we found out we were going to have a baby. I was home alone one morning when I took the test and I called Toby immediately and told him he had to come home at once. We were young and still in school at the time so he skipped his first class that morning and came home. He was elated. I was terrified.

We told our parents right away, since that's what you do with your first child. I think Toby's parents were excited. I think my parents envisioned another human, this time an infant on the "payroll" since we were young, stupid & poor.

It felt like I was pregnant FOREVER. When I had the ultrasound to find out the gender, my mom and Toby were there with me. I even remember what I was wearing, black pants and a blue wrappy shirt. How silly is that? We were all thrilled to find out we were having a boy! We would have been thrilled either way, but Toby was secretly wishing for a boy. My mom and I cried, as we always do.

I remember the first time I felt him move in my tummy. I was at the Tabernacle in Logan for an event for my brother, Steve. I was coming out of the restroom and I felt him move. It was so strange feeling to me. I remember what I was wearing that day as well. A black dress with big pink flowers on it.

I go into the next part at the risk of sounding like a horrible person. Consider yourself warned. People always say that they love their baby from the moment they find out they're pregnant. That they feel this impenetrable bond with a child they've never met. Suffice it to say, I didn't feel that way. I felt more like a host to a parasite. I felt sick literally every day I was pregnant. Tysen had the hiccups A LOT while in utero and one time I remember waking Toby up in the middle of the night crying and asking him to "make him stop" because he'd had hiccups for like 3 hours strait and I couldn't sleep. I'm sure I was a total prego-nazi.

The Sunday before he was born, I thought my water broke so we headed to the hospital. It was just the mucus plug, but my blood pressure was high so they told me to call my doctor in the morning. I did and I went to see the doctor Monday afternoon. I was only dilated to a 1, which had been the case for a couple of weeks already. My blood pressure was still high and I was just a week before my due date so the doctor schedule an induction for the next morning.

I was TERRIFIED! The doctor suggested we get a good night's rest since it would be a while before that was an option again. Um, yeah, right! We went to eat at some fancy pizza place for our last night out as a childless couple. We tried to sleep that night and after a few hours of both of us tossing & turning, we went into the living room and played video games for the rest of the night.

Tuesday morning, we arrived at the hospital early. It had gotten cold all of a sudden overnight. We got checked in and I got the pitocin. By the time we got to the hospital, I was dilated to a 4. I had been a one just 12 hours prior in the doctor's office. They told me he probably would have been born that day even if I hadn't been induced.

About 3 contractions after the pitocin kicked in, I was begging for the epidural. Yeah, I'm a wimp. I have no shame about it. The knight in shining armor, I mean the anesthesiologist came and whipped his giant needle out of it's sheath. My mom promptly left the room. After that I was nice & comfy. I actually slept most of the day. Toby's mom and dad had come and my mom and dad were there too. Just all of them with Toby waiting in the giant hospital room for Tysen to be born.

The monitors showed my contractions were plenty strong and I was dilating, but Tysen wasn't dropping like he should have been. He was also turned around facing the wrong way. Not breech, but he was face up - or face down, I can't remember which one is the right way. Whichever one is right, he was the other way.

Each time I had a contraction, his heart rate would drop dangerously low. They let us go as long as they could and the doctor finally said he had to be born ASAP and went to have the OR prepped for a C section. By the time he came back about 15 minutes later, Tysen had dropped, the doctor was able to turn him around, and they had me start pushing.

I only pushed for about 20 minutes when his heart rate dropped again. For some reason, the knight in shining armor (aka the anesthesiologist) had come back and the doctor had him push down from above while the doctor pulled and I pushed. Tysen came out all at once with the cord wrapped twice around his tiny neck. The doctor took care of that and Tysen was absolutely fine. He didn't even need any oxygen or anything. He was perfect. As soon as the doctor haded him to me my first words were "isn't he pretty?" The doctor told me I might have to find some different terminology when he was marching onto the football field.

After that, they drugged me so much for the blood pressure issues that I remember very little for the next 36 hours. I remember Toby and my mom leaving the room to call family members and it was just me and my dad in the room. My dad was holding Tysen sitting in a rocking chair and Tysen kept sticking out his tongue. It was almost like he was tasting the air or something. My dad just did it right back to him, sticking his tongue out too saying it was their first game they played together.

While I was pregnant, I thought that as soon as he was born, I'd have that flood of emotion and I'd feel all the love and bonding that had been promised while I was pregnant. Well, not so much. I loved him and I was happy to have him here, in this world. But, well, it was just weird.

I remember one time the day we left the hospital, I was still in bed and mom and Toby were out of the room (no idea where they kept disappearing to) and I was alone with the bassinet in the room. He was sleeping and I remember looking at him and thinking "they're going to make me take him home" and I was horrified.

What was I supposed to do with a baby? I didn't know anything about babies! I'd never even held a newborn until he was born. How was I gonna do this? I don't know what either of us would have done without Toby and my mom. Mom was a huge help! And Toby is so natural and good with kids, even infants. He was (and is) the most amazing father. Seriously.

Tysen and I got used to each other again, without sharing a body. Within a couple of weeks, I couldn't imagine my life without that child. It's been that way ever since. He is so amazing. He is hilarious, brilliant, gentle, fun, and loving. I adore that boy like nothing else in the world! And, in the words of my mom and dad, I'm so glad he's mine!